The Fire’s Return

Today I have reclaimed my most precious artifact. The crimson dragon paw necklace that was for so long my trademark, my inspiration, my explanation, and then was for so long lost, has returned. I have set aside two of them due to breakage, but I have a brand new, bright and shiny one about my neck now. And I already feel it’s glorious power rushing through me. I feel stronger. I feel…great.

The shining silver dragon’s paw clutching its red orb…I have long looked up to this item’s mythical owner as my inspiration. The things she lives for are the things I dream of living for. She is my namesake. Though I created her, in a sense I need her to create me. I have fallen from my intended path. I could rant and ramble the reasons and the results, but instead I will take a different tact, that of recovery. What do I need to do?

The saying it is simple. I need to reform my mind and therefore my life. Yami must become Yami.

Things Yami needs:

• Steadfast, unwavering determination
• Strength in all ways
• The endurance, speed, and physical skill that belong to a fighter

I WILL do this. *clutches necklace* This isn’t a temporary fix. This is my life, from now on.

Living Fire

(warning, inspirational rant ahead!)

Such is the life of a fire elemental, a life of living fire, always flickering, but always coming back strong.

I’ve been flickering, but new fuel is on the fire. What fuel is this, you ask? The fuel of my own determination. I have goals, damnit, and I’m not about to give up on them. I want to run parkour. I want to run a marathon. I want to go swimming in my bikini and be comfortable with it. I want to be confident in my own body. I want to be fit to fight!

I’m reminded of Rurouni Kenshin now. If I fail, then not only does my life end, but also the life of the one I’m trying to protect. How does that translate into a situation like mine? Simple, really. If I fail, not only does my goal not get met, but I fail to defend and prove the lives of those I’m trying to embody. Yami Schneider, Drehmos Blaze, my two great heroes. Every fighter I’ve ever written, every daring person whose life I’ve scribed, if I can’t live up to them, then who will? If I can’t show the world through MY life what kind of people they are, how will the world know how I feel?

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.

-Taylor Mali

To say what I believe in a manner that bespeaks the determination with which I believe it. To LIVE what I believe, with determination, with courage, WITH CONVICTION!!! This has long been my stated motto, but it’s been so long since I’ve obeyed it. So what is it I believe that I want to speak through my actions? I need to write this, to clarify it for myself….

I believe….

• That I am worthy of respect (If I don’t respect my body, then what message does that send?)
• That I am strong in ways words cannot describe (Then I must be strong in the describable ways too.)
• That I am brave (I need to be strong enough that standing up to fight is brave, but not stupid.)
• That I am creative (Then don’t I need to create?)
• That all life is worthy of respect (and that even if you don’t believe that, I will still keep you from disrespecting life.)

Of course, I believe other things too…(like the word of God, y’know, that sort of thing.)…But those are the beliefs that I think apply most to this. (Do you have any more to add? Do comment.)

All right, that’s enough for one night. I’m going running tomorrow. My diet and exercise plan officially start Monday. I’ll try to remember to post details of such tomorrow.

Good night, my friends, and deity bless.

Oh no!

I had a rather horrid realization last night. I’m sharing it because I want people to know and hold me responsible to fix it.

I have gained 4 inches around my waist.

Those of you who know me are going “O.o really?” while some of you who don’t know me are going “Psh, I’ve heard worse.”  Okay, people who don’t know me, you have a valid point. I’m certainly NOT the widest person I know, and I’m fine with not being the skinniest, too. But I can’t fit into some of my clothes. I’ve got a “muffin top” going on when I wear some of my old favorite jeans. I used to be a twig, as so many called me, and I was very happy being thin and highly athletic. It’s been too long. So I haven’t sunk as far as I could have…but is that any reason to ignore the problem until it gets as bad as it can?

I need to become athletic again….So where shall we begin?

1. Running 10 minutes every day (soon to raise and add weights when I reach 30 minutes)
2. Tae Kwon Do upon waking up
3. Tai Chi before bed
4. No more sugary drinks at work (Tea or water to replace)
5. Candy  (in reasonable portions) ONCE a week at most (keeping track on my task list)
6. Two “meals out” a week, otherwise home-brought food and healthy things (keeping track on schedule)
7. One piece of fruit every day

And I think that will do it for now.

I’m gonna go eat some fruit.

Successes and Near Misses

I feel it is time to update you all. I have been doing very well with not lying, and  though I have made a few bad choices since my dedication to become a paladin, I was honest and fessed up when asked. Despite my failures I still feel that I have been improving overall. I’m setting my sights on improving my exercise habit and continuing my ‘waking early’ habit. I have been waking between 5:30 and 6:00 am rather successfully for the past week. All that said, I should probably get to sleep so that I can wake up early enough tomorrow. Good night, my friends.

Phoenixian Paladin

Today I’ve made, or rather remade a goal. I’ve decided to become a Paladin. This quest has occasionally gone by other names for me…a knight, a warrior, a phoenix…But the ideas remain similar. Honor, strength, truth, persistence…
And as such, this blog has gotten a makeover.  The title is now “Winged Paladin” as you can see above, and the design has been changed, and may yet change even more. I’ll also be trying to make more posts and keep you all updated.

Right now I’m heading to bed in preparation for work at 6 am tomorrow, but I’ll have a full post tomorrow afternoon. As for this post, I’m going to give you the site where I found the oath and code I’ll be following.

Facts For Knights

From this site I have selected this section to keep to. I will reproduce it here for the sake of safekeeping.

I,_______________________________, vow on my life, word, and sword, to uphold the laws of my god and the code of the paladin. I will defend those who are in need as well as those who have my protection; I will conduct myself with compassion, valor, and truth at all times. I do not seek gain nor glory for myself, for it is my god who will reward me when the battle is done. These duties I take up willingly, in my god’s name, amen.

THE CODE OF THE PALADIN

1.    Thou art honor bound to keep thy word when given. (Be careful what you promise.)
2.    Thou art honor bound to protect and defend the weak and innocent. (Looks can be deceiving. Do not be naive.)
3.    Thou art honor bound to help those in need. (This does not mean every beggar in existence.)
4.    Thou must conduct thyself in a chivalrous manor. (Chivalry is NOT dead.)
5.    Thou must conduct thyself with honor. (This does NOT mean you can take offense if someone dishonors YOU.)
6.    Thou must show courage in the face of adversity. (Sometimes it is WISER to retreat than to attack.)
7.    Thou art duty bound to thy god, thy people, and thyself, in that order. (If your god asks you to do something, and a friend wants you to do something else, and you don’t want to do either . . .)
8.    Thou art duty bound to uphold the oath of the paladin. (Remember what was said about making promises?)
9.    Thou art duty bound to fight for truth, justice, and honor, for these show the way of the light. (Not all fights are done with swords: The pen has been known to be mightier than the sword, at times.)
10.    Thou art bound by your god to obey his laws, defend what is holy, and avenge those you protect. (This has a lot of leeway.)

If you carefully consider your actions before you say you’re going to do them, you should have no problems maintaining the oath of paladinhood.   Even if your a KEF Knight BUT NOT A PALADIN. Remember, use common sense (wisdom), and the brains god gave you (intelligence), before doing something “lawful stupid”.

Thank you for your time. Good night.

A whisper to break the silence

This will only be a short post. My shoulder is more or less better. I am running semi-regularly, and attended Tae Kwon Do for two hours on saturday. I am also, however, working more than I’ve ever worked before at any job. This is making things rough, but that’s okay. I’m gonna make it.

Forever Phoenix.

*plug*

I just love this guy’s jewlery, and this video is masterful. <3! So here I am, plugging it in hopes of winning some jewlery.

Angel

My twitter status reads- “And all is right with the world again. Cody is beloved. We are Angel. Those who share a name cannot be torn apart.”

Cody and I had a tearful talk, and in the end, all was set right. I still need to find a way to deal with my issues, but we agree that neither burying them nor feeding them is the right path. We’re going to talk to my counselor together about a good solution. We’re not going to break up. In the end, our love overcame, and this…this is just a bump in the road-experienced, suffered, overcome, learned from, and remembered as something we got through. It hurt to go through, it hurt unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I’ve never been so confused as to my own feelings, even my own thoughts were a mystery to me. But when we came to our conclusion and embraced, the love was there. At first, it felt like it wasn’t the same, and it honestly scared me. But once the sheer emotion had worn off a little, it all slipped back into place. He hugged me, and all was right with the world again. We’re not completely through the woods yet, I know, but now I am sure we’ll make it. We’re through the hardest part…which was, in retrospect, such a small, but hugely important, decision. It was the decision to try. We decided to try, and with the commitment to try, the commitment to continue, so much of the pain was washed away. The fog was lifted from my mind, and I know we made the right choice. It was hard to fight through the hurricane of terror and emotion, but once I escaped…clear skies. Even looking back, I can’t say that I should have seen this as the right way all along, I realize that I was completely blinded, and I won’t devalue the struggle by saying I should have known. It was not an easy thing, nor should it have been. But it turned out well. I prayed that this would turn out for the best for everyone. I admitted I didn’t know what that best was…But God did, and he guided us…just like Cody prayed for. Thanks, God.

I was afraid this was going to break us…but I think, in the long run, this will make our relationship stronger. I know now that Cody is really commited to me. He was so scared of losing me, and he endured so much pain in giving me a chance to get myself straightened out. I know now that I truly love him. I’ll have to ask him what he knows now that he didn’t before.

In closing, I’ll explain my twitter status. It’s a double reference….no, triple. The whole idea is a reference to Of Fire and Ice, an older story I had a hand in. After my character had a vicious fight with her twin, they both apologized, and everything fell back into place. “Ardon was still Okashira (Leader). Ryute was still the enemy. Nothing had changed.” Cody is still my beloved. The second reference is our Loveless characters, who share the name Angel (go read Loveless if you don’t get it). The final sentence is a reference directly to Loveless. Those who share a name are special. They are meant for each other and no one else. Nothing can tear them apart.

And all is right with the world again. Cody is beloved. We are Angel. Those who share a name cannot be torn apart.